The other day I was on the subway reading on my Kindle “My Struggle: Book 1” by Karl Ove Knausgaard. I was reading about the birth of his daughter Vanja . When I cam across the following sentence , There has never been so much future in my life as at that time, never so much joy I choked up and just wanted to cry. No, I wanted to sob. I kept myself together because I was on the subway and did not want to be that crazy woman you sit next to during rush hour. The author stuck a deep chord within me. This was how I felt with the birth of my son Ale. I remember his birth as the happiest moment of my life. I felt nothing but joy within every fiber of my being. I could then feel the future. I felt that I could see my family’s future 5, 10, 40 years from now within this little being. It was like time suddenly made sense. Everything clicked into place. Then suddenly I understood how precious time is. My quest has since to preserve the present so that I and hopefully Ale would be able to look back and remember the details of our days together.
My obsession with time in the last year has been so strong that I began this blog, and began journaling obsessively. I’m turning into a scrapbook, mommy blog loving, art journal freak. In my free time you can find me scoping the isles of craft stores looking for washi tape and gesso, pouring over blogs here on WordPress catching up on the mommy blogs I love and pinning images of scrapbook and journal pages on Pinterest. This sudden burst of the desire to create something each day here on the blog or a drawing within my journal pages stems directly from the birth of Ale. I know it sounds crazy and far fetched but its the truth. The joy that Ale brings is immense and I need to do something with the energy that it produces. To bottle it. I savor my moments with him by writing and journaling and subsequently sharing with my family and on the internet with this blog.
My little son who was a baby is now a toddler and is growing so fast. So fast that I wish I could press the pause button for just an hour. I can not even remember what he looked like a year ago. I swear when he wakes up from his naps he is a bit taller, and says and does new things. I see his baby photos and I wonder who that tiny person was. It does not look like my son. My son is the tall skinny boy with tossled curls who talks and dances, and sings, and runs, and jumps and laughs. Oh does he laugh! Not that baby frozen forever by the click of my iphone in a rocker. I will say the same thing a year from now. Ale will be doing even more and my heart will grow even more for him. I want him to grow. I want to see what kind of man that he becomes but I want to hold and remember each moment of each phase. Time is against me. So I take my photos, write this blog, and create a journal page.
Its Tuesday, my day off from work. My day with Ale. This is the best day. I want it to go on forever. There has never been so much future in my life… never so much joy.
Thank you Ale. Thank you.
To welcome the summer we have loaded the car for a vacation along the coast of Maine!
For all of the things my toddler lacks he makes up for one hundred times over as a traveler. Ale is amazing in the car. Once he is strapped in his car seat surrounded by his sippy cup, a snack bowl filled with cheddar bunnies, and a fist full of toy cars he is as happy as can be. Ale first points out the vehicles on the road, tells us when to turn by pointing and saying, “Papa, this way!”. Then he gets quiet and sleeps for three hours. We indeed struck gold.
When Ale woke up we were arriving into Maine from last his last peep about the big passing trucks in Connecticut it was time to stop and start enjoying all that this beautiful state has to offer. It’s just stunning. One minute you are surrounded by pine trees next you are facing the sea. We have had all the clam chower and lobster rolls you can eat. Each day a Ale has played on the beach and watched the boats go by. We even climbed a few lighthouses, and went walking on nature trails. We have a few more days here and I’m looking forward to what is to come.
We even were able to do a family selfi with a cow!
Can you believe it? I have lived in Brooklyn for many years now and I had never been to the Brooklyn Botanical Garden. To add to the embarrassment I had no idea that it’s free on Tuesdays. So what did Ale and I do this Tuesday? We ran over to the Botanical Garden to see the tail end of the cherry blossoms that makes this garden so famous.
While at the Botanical Garden we met up with some of my friends with their little ones. We explored the gardens, ran through the grass, marveled at the many goldfish swiming, and passed around a basball sized purple spiky ball in cherry esplanade. Whoops. … The security guard ran over to the seemingly unrulely group of two toddlers and three babies and shouted “Put the ball down. Put the ball away!”. We had a great time despite the overzealous security rules. We rounded out the morning with a taxi ride home and found grandma waiting for us back at our apartment. Best spring morning ever!
Two important events happened on Tuesday.
1- We were playing in the park when 12:30pm struck and Ale turned to me and said “Hotdog mama”. I looked down at him in amazement. He was asking for food. He never asks for food. He has no interest in food 99% of the time. Then he said that he wanted to eat a hotdog with his friend that he had been playing with, Maria. Well ok! My baby is a real New Yorker. Eating hot dogs in the park is classic. I ran to the hotdog stand, prayed that the seller had washed his hands sometime that morning and ordered two plain hot dogs. I returned to Ale and Maria and was met with squeals of joy. Nothing beats eating a hotdog on a park bench on a nice sunny day. They wolfed down their hotdogs in a New York minute.
2- After nap time we headed over to our pediatrician’s office for Ale’s 2.5 year old checkup. My husband and I were anxious to get him weighed and measured. We were convinced that Ale had not grown enough since he does not eat enough. We check in and wait in the waiting area. There Ale busied himself with the toy cars. He even made me some chicken that he baked with a firetruck in the wooden oven. Ale was having fun. Then the medical assistant called out, “Ale”. He froze, looked at me and started to scream. “Mama I scared!” he said and clung to my leg. We arrive to the exam room. Sniff, sniff….. Oh, boy. Ale pooped. Fantastic. I then took him to the bathroom that is the size of a matchbox where he continued to scream while I struggled to changed him. Back in the exam room Ale continued to scream bloody murder. Enticing him with a lolly pop we got him to stand still for half a second to take his height and weight. He continued to scream as the doctor asked me milestone questions. She tried to get him to say something. I wanted to gush about all the amazing things that Ale says and does. Things that are for sure way beyond his years. But no, nothing. Just screams. As the doctor told me that she was happy
with his growth- he gained more weight than ever and he continues to be a tall lean toddler, he continued to scream. Thank goodness there were no vaccines due this visit! At the end of the visit I told Ale that were were now going to the park. He finally stopped screaming, looked at the sweet, and thankfully, patient doctor and said “Yea! Park! Bye! Bye!”. Oh my little toddler.
Spring! Finally! Spring means that after daycare I can take Ale to the park. It’s great to be outdoors again!
My family and I had an escape from the city over Easter weekend. We took a trip to the Jersey shore visiting Cape May.
As soon as we arrived we hit the beach. Unfortunately, it’s been a chilly spring. Despite the bright sunshine it was about 55 degrees and windy. The icy wind did not stop Ale. He ran to the shore and stared out at the rolling waves. Ale then turned to me and said “Mama be back. Shovel”. He turned and ran back across to the sand to where we parked the stroller to get the bucket and shovel. He was determined to dig and make sand castles. If I would have let him, he would have jumped into the water with his winter coat and hat on.
I think Ale will one day be a surfer, sailor, fisherman or a poet. The ocean calls out to him. Ale is captivated by the majesty of the waves, is intoxicated by the salty air and likes sandy toes.
Lately I have been reveling in the fact that things have been quiet here in toddler land. Ale still does not eat well but he is the tallest two year old I know. Sleep is getting better. Well, amazing really. He has been sleeping through the night (10pm – 7am) five out of the seven nights. Then… last night arrived. Maybe it was due to the blood red lunar eclipse that took place but Ale had the worse night terror yet. I sat next to his crib as he howled and cried for twenty minutes. He was drenched in sweat and there was nothing I could do. He even refused a bottle of milk. Finally, I just tried to hold him as he squirmed and kicked.
My father who lived through a war had night terrors. It was the result of the post traumatic stress of difficult times. What, however, could possibly be troubling my outwardly happy son? Is he battling out the rights to a toy car? Is he worried about mama and papa disappearing? Is there something else happening that I am not aware of? Who knows the depths of the subconscious of a toddler? I long for the day he can really tell me what he thinks and feels. (Something tells me I will be longing for this throughout my lifetime). Either way, I wish I could take the toddler suffering away. It’s heartbreaking to see him go through this.
I have often thought that there is a reason you don’t remember your early years. These years are joyful but full of suffering as your little one attempts to make sense of the world around him.
Over the last few days Ale has begun to conceive the concept of self. It’s so amazing. He is finally beginning to say his name when looking at photos. Then this week he pointed to a photo and said “Me!”. I nearly fell over. Prior to this he would say, mama, papa, would say nothing at all or laugh.
This morning he stood at the mirror in our bedroom. He said, “Me! Ale!”. Ale then pointed at his reflection and began making faces and just began laughing at himself.
Watch out world. Ale is truly becoming a person to recon with!
A few weeks ago Journey2dfuture did her first giveaway. The prize was Gourmesso coffee. What mama does not need a little more coffee? So I entered and won! Whoo! Hoo! Happy Dance!
My package of two samples from Gourmesso arrived on Monday. I asked to try tarrazu forte- strong coffee to get me ready and out the door. The other soffio cioccolato- coffee with chocolate! This would be for an afternoon coffee after the playground when it’s really mama who needs a nap but must keep going.
Here are my unboxing photos.
The coffee is beautifully packaged and smells heavenly. But, wait! They are capsules, only compatible with the Nespresso machine. I don’t have that super expensive coffee machine. No fear. I am a resourceful mama. The foil top will come off and I will pour the luscious smelling coffee into my trusty stove top espresso maker.
Thank you Journey2dfuture! — be sure to stop by her blog!
In January like many of us I had big plans for my blog. I wanted to blog everyday and participate more on WordPress. My attempt at NaBloPoMo failed miserably. I just could not keep up with blogging, working and mama-ing. For those women- you know who you are- who blog and have a full schedule I give you kudos. I’m not there. And will most likely never reach that. There I said it.
I think another reason I’m not blogging as frequently is that things have been going quite well here. Ale is eating slightly better, sleeping longer and is just blossoming into a super fun toddler. Yes, he does throw himself on the floor every once in a while, yes “mine!” is frequently heard but it’s all fine and normal. In the end I’m not as sleep deprived and happier. Ale is also becoming more independent. He can be left a lone for five to ten minutes. I can actually finish my cup of coffee in the morning. A sigh of relief! This all my be the calm before the storm but I’m just fine with the way things are right now.
Another reason (excuse) is that we have been stuck inside all winter. Do you really want to read about how many Barney and Umizumies episodes Ale has watched? Soon the weather will be warmer and we will be out and about avoiding the iPad at all costs!
Since I’m not blogging as much, I’m looking forward to reading about your adventures. So don’t be a slacker like me, keep it coming! 🌞
Happy Friday everyone!