Holding on to Innocence

Having a child has changed my outlook on life on many levels. It has heightened my awareness and has made me even more sensitive and vulnerable to things that happen around me. I am no longer viewing life through a singular lens. Each action that I do and even the actions of others I view them through how I would imagine my son’s reaction. My little boy is still a baby and is not able to express himself or is even able to process and understand many things, but his innocence is so vast and deep that it pains me so to see and hear of others that have done wrong. I look into his eyes and I think, how can there be evil in this world with this sweet boy on the planet.

The bombings this week in Boston during the marathon has affected my husband and I on many levels. We live in New York and the NY Marathon passes through our neighborhood. Just a few days after Ale was born, my first outing was to see the NY Marathon. I held Ale close in my Ergo and watched and cheered the runners as they went by. This is something that we plan on doing each year as a family. To hear of the attack on the Boston Marathon and the fact that an eight year old boy was killed was just so shocking. We thought- this could be us.

As of right now, there are no suspects that have been arrested. This fact is also very frightening. It would almost be comforting to know that X group or person was responsible. In the back of our minds we are thinking will there be another plot, will the responsible ever be arrested, will NY be next?

And what will Ale think? I’m so happy that he is not aware yet of the news and can not ask me questions. I am already trying to formulate answers but the act is just so senseless. Something tells me that when he can talk he will comfort me in his answers . For now, I just turn the channel or put on Bob The Builder when the images come to the screen. I don’t even for a moment want him to glance at the screen. I want to protect his innocence for as long as I can.

Acts like this have some good- they remind us of our loved ones, make us want to hold them close and kiss them a little longer than usual.

Boston, my family is thinking of you and our hearts go out to you.