The other day I was on the subway reading on my Kindle “My Struggle: Book 1” by Karl Ove Knausgaard. I was reading about the birth of his daughter Vanja . When I cam across the following sentence , There has never been so much future in my life as at that time, never so much joy I choked up and just wanted to cry. No, I wanted to sob. I kept myself together because I was on the subway and did not want to be that crazy woman you sit next to during rush hour. The author stuck a deep chord within me. This was how I felt with the birth of my son Ale. I remember his birth as the happiest moment of my life. I felt nothing but joy within every fiber of my being. I could then feel the future. I felt that I could see my family’s future 5, 10, 40 years from now within this little being. It was like time suddenly made sense. Everything clicked into place. Then suddenly I understood how precious time is. My quest has since to preserve the present so that I and hopefully Ale would be able to look back and remember the details of our days together.
My obsession with time in the last year has been so strong that I began this blog, and began journaling obsessively. I’m turning into a scrapbook, mommy blog loving, art journal freak. In my free time you can find me scoping the isles of craft stores looking for washi tape and gesso, pouring over blogs here on WordPress catching up on the mommy blogs I love and pinning images of scrapbook and journal pages on Pinterest. This sudden burst of the desire to create something each day here on the blog or a drawing within my journal pages stems directly from the birth of Ale. I know it sounds crazy and far fetched but its the truth. The joy that Ale brings is immense and I need to do something with the energy that it produces. To bottle it. I savor my moments with him by writing and journaling and subsequently sharing with my family and on the internet with this blog.
My little son who was a baby is now a toddler and is growing so fast. So fast that I wish I could press the pause button for just an hour. I can not even remember what he looked like a year ago. I swear when he wakes up from his naps he is a bit taller, and says and does new things. I see his baby photos and I wonder who that tiny person was. It does not look like my son. My son is the tall skinny boy with tossled curls who talks and dances, and sings, and runs, and jumps and laughs. Oh does he laugh! Not that baby frozen forever by the click of my iphone in a rocker. I will say the same thing a year from now. Ale will be doing even more and my heart will grow even more for him. I want him to grow. I want to see what kind of man that he becomes but I want to hold and remember each moment of each phase. Time is against me. So I take my photos, write this blog, and create a journal page.
Its Tuesday, my day off from work. My day with Ale. This is the best day. I want it to go on forever. There has never been so much future in my life… never so much joy.
Thank you Ale. Thank you.
Today I’ve been at home on the sofa with a cold. Ale is at daycare so at least I have time to recover.
Even though I’m not feeling well I still feel the need to take on a project. In my quest for the perfect journaling/task management system I came upon the Bullet Journal system. I have been trying to move away from apps on my iPhone and go back to pen and paper. I’m using a Traveler’s Notebook and had four notebooks stuffed within the leather cover. I had a calendar notebook, a todo notebook, daily thoughts notebook, and a notebook for notes. Way too many. So far I have reduced it to two. One for my monthly calendar that is essential for my work schedule and a Bullet Journal that will incorporate the rest. It looks pretty bare bones right now. Later when I have time I’m going to add some washi tape to liven it up. (Yes, I am the biggest nerd ever. Even at my thirty something age!)
Check out the developer, Ryder Carroll, web page and be sure to watch the video.
Now to take of myself- I’m going to make cream of tomato soup. Yum!
I was one of those teenage girls with a diary. It started when I was 12. I had the typical diary with a lock (which you could pick with a paper clip) and read in girly pink and green letters “Diary”. As I got older I would look for notebooks with nice paper and I bought good pens to write with. I filled each page with teenage angst, photos, ticket stubs, maps. When I was in my 20’s I stopped keeping a diary or journal. I tried again few times later on but I never stuck to it. Now I’m a few years shy of 40 and I’m journaling again.
What made me go back to journaling/ blogging?? Becoming a mother!! My intension was not to just jot down all of the amazing milestones my boy made. It was to keep me sane!! Never before did I find myself in a situation that I felt like I had no control. It was like being a teen again with an identity crisis. Its not that I disliked being a mom its just that I unexpectedly stepped into an abyss of the unknown.
For the last year I have been using the Dayone App for my personal thoughts. However, I yearned for an audience larger than one (myself) to really make sure that I had not lost my mommy mind. I approached blogging as a way to connect with other new moms. I turned to WordPress after using Tumbler. Tumbler was too young for me and too short. I wanted something more in-depth. In turn, on WordPress I found amazing mom bloggers, of all ages and backgrounds, who like me are trying to stay sane and have a blast with their kids.
I would lie if I did not admit to the fact that I am always looking at the WordPress stats. I love getting likes and new followers. However, I know that my mommy musings are not earth shattering nor do I write with an over the top style. I write like me. You hear my voice in each post. I just hope that I can connect with a few moms and non moms just the same way as I did with others. My goal is for another new mom to read a post and say “Ok, she made it though. I will too.”
Daily Prompt: Personal Space
To what extent is your blog a place for your own self-expression and creativity vs. a site designed to attract readers? How do you balance that? If sticking to certain topics and types of posts meant your readership would triple, would you do it?