Last Friday I did a guest post on my thoughts about being an only child and my decision not to have a sibling for Ale on Chasing After a Daredevil and Twins. I wanted to repost this as this is something I have been thinking a lot about lately. I have also included links to two articles published in July of this year. One from the New Yorker the other from The Week.
Ale is quickly approaching two. As for me, lets just say I’m closer to 40 than 30. The big question on everybody’s mind (friends, family, strangers, mom’s at the playground) is “So, When are you going to give Ale a sibling?’ Or the comment is, “You should now try for a girl”. My response is always a smile and a nod yes while I try to change the subject.
Who knows what will happen in the next few years but I’m happy right now where my family is at the moment. Is that so bad? Am I selfish for not jumping to get pregnant again? Does this make me a bad mom? Will I harm Ale emotionally if I don’t provide him with a sibling?
“Only child” is such a heavy title and it carries so much negativity. Do mother’s of more than one child love one more than the other? If they were to loose one child is there a sigh of relief that there is another child there? Should I have another child just so that Ale has someone else to play with? It seems that the idea of having more children is to round out the numbers in the household. Its just something that should be done- no questions asked.
Let me confess- I am an only child. I am happy and well adjusted. I am not lonely. I would not go back and change a thing. And no- I was not a spoiled brat. I was quite the opposite. So why would this not happen to Ale?
To be honest when I was around 10 years old I did pine for a brother or sister. I pined for one like a child pines for a new toy. Growing up I learned that everyone’s family is different and family can be made up of many different kinds of people. Some people had more while others had less people around their dinner tables. That did not make one family better than another. My family consisted of myself, my mom and my dad. My dad said we were the trinity. I thought we were the perfect family.
My goal now is to replicate that feeling for Ale. I am trying to teach him the importance of friendship and how to to tighten the bonds with our extended family. All the while I hope that I am constructing a safe and nurturing home with my husband. This is what is important to me regardless of how small or big our family may become.