Yesterday, I ran into the husband of a friend of mine. The friend that I gave my breast pump to close to a year ago. He told me that we have to get together to catch up and let our kids play together. At the end of the conversation he said that he wants to return some the things that I gave his wife when she had the baby including the breast pump. She no longer needs it.
Wow! That brought back many memories and emotions. The lending of the breast pump to his wife sparked me to write the blog post Farewell My Breast Pump! Farewell!. I was also struck by the passing of time. Ale is a full fledged toddler and I have no desire to breastfeed him any longer. That’s for babies. We have new bridges to cross together. So I’ll take back the pump, but what will I do with it? Right now it will serve as a relic of the past.
——— Post Published 4/10/2013———————
Farewell My Breast Pump! Farewell!
Yesterday, I lent my Medela Pump in Style to a friend of mine with a 3 month old baby girl who is returning to work. I lent it with great misgivings. I almost did not give it to her. My husband had to take it down from the cabinet and pack it for me. He reminded me that I was the one who offered it to her. “Yes, Linda you can borrow it! No problem! ” and that I had not breastfeed Ale in the last FIVE months.
So why the misgivings? Watching that pump being wrapped up was like watching my first year with Ale flash in front of me. I swear I felt a letdown of milk! That pump- like it or not- was my symbol that I was a super breastfeeding mama who survived it all to give milk to my bebe for his first year of life.
I pumped to build my supply. Then I was pumping to start a freezer stash. Then I pumped at work in any clean spot I could find. I doubled pumped, I single pumped, I fed Ale and then pumped. I PUMPED!! Coming home from work I proudly placed my 10-15oz of milk in the fridge and I indeed cried when the milk was spilt. Oh, I can hear the pump, pumping away now saying “Make milk, make milk, make milk”!
Giving the pump to my friend, who promised to return it, also symbolizes the fact that Ale is growing so fast. When I stopped breastfeeding and transitioned to cows milk he would still come to the breast for comfort and get the few ounces that I was still making. Now he is coming less and less. He sees that mama no longer has milk then reaches out for his bottle. Its hard. I cried and cried the first night I made the decision to stop due to work restraints. Now I’m mourning the true end of breastfeeding.
So now I’m passing my pump to my friend who no doubt will start to feel attached to the pump and in a years time will begrudgingly give it back to me. She will then sit down and blog about the end of breastfeeding and marvel at how much her baby has grown.
Today I’ve been at home on the sofa with a cold. Ale is at daycare so at least I have time to recover.
Even though I’m not feeling well I still feel the need to take on a project. In my quest for the perfect journaling/task management system I came upon the Bullet Journal system. I have been trying to move away from apps on my iPhone and go back to pen and paper. I’m using a Traveler’s Notebook and had four notebooks stuffed within the leather cover. I had a calendar notebook, a todo notebook, daily thoughts notebook, and a notebook for notes. Way too many. So far I have reduced it to two. One for my monthly calendar that is essential for my work schedule and a Bullet Journal that will incorporate the rest. It looks pretty bare bones right now. Later when I have time I’m going to add some washi tape to liven it up. (Yes, I am the biggest nerd ever. Even at my thirty something age!)
Check out the developer, Ryder Carroll, web page and be sure to watch the video.
Now to take of myself- I’m going to make cream of tomato soup. Yum!
Hands down, I place more pressure on myself than others. I am my worse critic and enemy. I put pressure on myself to be a good wife, mother and RN. Then on top of this I want to do a million things for myself like blog, cook dinner, and go to work all at the same time. To accomplish these tasks I have to do lists, reminders (paper, electronic, and human – my husband – who deserves a medal to put up with me).
This all stems from the fact that I am a future thinker. I eat breakfast and plan for dinner. I have weekly, monthly, yearly goals. All of this is great for retirement planning but it makes it hard for me to let go and enjoy the present moment. I am satisfied for only a moment. Then on to the next task/ project. Thankfully, my little two year old son, Ale, helps me break out of this mindset. He will only be a toddler once. I let myself laugh and be silly – even out in public. You can catch me singing The Wheels On The Bus as we walk down the street together– (“The wipers on the bus, go swish, swish, swish! ALL THROUGH THE TOWWWNNNN!!”). Then I once we get home I plan for his college fund.
It’s great that I’m a planner but it literally puts so much weight on my shoulders.
It truly effects me so. I recently went for a massage to try to ease the tension. The masseuse during the session stopped and told me that my shoulder muscles were so taught that it surprised him. He wanted to know what kind of work I did. Let’s see. I have stressful job, I am a planner, worrier, and mom of a toddler that does not sleep through the night. Yup, that would do it.
To the other future thinker mom’s like me who pressurize themselves, lets all take a quick cleansing breath together.
Picture from : Wikimedia Commons
In response to the Thursday, January 16, 2014 BlogHer NaBloPoMo prompt:
Who puts the most pressure on you — yourself or others?
Let it snow! Let it snow! We have been getting hit hard by the snow here in New York and all along the east coast. I generally enjoy more the warmer months but now that we have Ale the winter has become fun again. I love experiencing all of the joy and excitement that the snow brings with him . Since it’s been cold (right now it’s 19*F !) and it’s remains cold the snow’s enchantment stays longer before it melts into brown muck. Everywhere you look its a winter wonderland.
Last weekend for we went to Massachusetts for a short escape from the city. It was just lovely. We went for long walks in the woods and Ale was able to build a snowman with Papa’s help.
So, yes- let it snow, let it snow! Let the fun and the magical beauty of winter continue.
What! I’m not perfect? I’m not the perfect mama, wife, mommy blogger, or RN? This is news to me!
Honestly, the idea of perfection is bogus. If I thought I was the perfect anything I would stop learning, perfecting, and evolving in my roles at home and at work. I can strive to be the best in all that I do but I will never truly be perfect. There is always something new to master. I would also imagine that perfection is boring, static. You are at the top so there is no where else to go.
However, as much as I do enjoy Pinterest and the internet in general it does make me think that I’m lacking in my parenting and baking skills. I have to take it in stride. I have to make do with what I can do with my skills and limited time. One can only look at the pretty pictures and dream.
In response to today’s BlogHer’s NaBloPoMo prompt
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Do you feel pressure to be perfect? How much of it is tied to what you see online?
“AWGRRRRR! I see you, mama!”
This past weekend we went to the New York Transit Museum in downtown Brooklyn. It was a rainy day and this was the perfect spot. Ale had so much fun running through the old subway cars of this the super kid friendly museum.
Weekly Photo Challenge : Window
Becoming a mama defiantly proved to me that I was a physically strong woman. Two years ago I pushed out a screaming 7lb baby boy. Now that takes strength- and a strong epidural! What is paradoxical about birth (no matter if its vaginal or c-section) is that its just a moment in your life as a mama. For first time mom’s the perception is that this is the pinacle moment. The be all and end all of motherhood. Its not. Its just a first step in the long road that twists and turns. The birth of my little boy was undoubtably the most amazing day of my life but it was just a day. I’m Ale’s mama for a lifetime. (Sorry, Ale! You are stuck with me!)
I somehow find my mama strength each morning when I wake up. I know I have to tackle the day and provide love, joy and security to my boy even when I’m sick, feeling down or have other things on my mind. I muster up the strength and get it done- with a smile (most of the time). Its Ale’s- all of him from the curly mop of hair on his head to the senseless tantrums that he throws- that is the source of strength. My husband and my mom are my pillars when I need someone to hold me up when I feel my strength fading. My blog is my outlet to get it all out- the joys and the upsets to share with my fellow mama bloggers. I enjoy hearing their encouragement and words of wisdom. I need the strength of this support system to keep me mama strong. A hot mug of coffee in the morning does a great deal of help too 😉
In response to today’s NaBloPoMo at BlogHer.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Eleanor Roosevelt said: “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” Tell us about a time you felt your strength.
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